20. Security

The sense of security is one of the basic human needs. However, some people maintain that sense, and some don’t in the same circumstances, indicating that it is as much about our internal state as about circumstances. This means we can do much about it. We will start with anxiety, which is closely related to this topic, and then discuss the internal and external sources of security.

Anxiety

To address anxiety properly, it is important to understand that it is not the same as fear. There is some evidence that they differ even at the level of somatic reactions, such as gastrointestinal activity. The crucial difference is that an element of uncertainty, rather than an actual danger, is linked to anxiety. In other words, while fear has a clear object (we are afraid of something), anxiety does not – it is an expression of our awareness of uncertainty: for instance, if a tiger appears in your room, you will feel fear; if you are unsure whether a tiger will appear or not, you will feel anxiety. Here is another, more realistic example – uncertainties associated with an exam: ‘What questions will I get? Am I prepared enough? Will I pass?’ You may be afraid of the consequences of failing, but your anxiety stems from these uncertainties.

External sources of security

What it all means is that anxiety is not a sign that something is necessarily wrong with you – it may even be good in small doses, as it can improve, as well as disrupt performance. Nowadays, though, awareness of uncertainties is heightened more than ever (regarding finances, work, relationships, the political and economic situation, climate change, you name it). It is not surprising that many people suffer from excessive anxiety, even if life is safer than ever (in most parts of the world). So, let’s look at the sources of security. We will first consider the pros and cons of external sources, then turn to internal ones.

Here are the most common examples:

• Social system (e.g. the police and the army, a political system that respects human rights, a just and efficient legal system, or an economic system that provides job security).
• Services (health service, the police and army, fire brigades)
• Personal image (e.g. a professional role, status, wealth)
• Group (e.g. family, friends, religion, nation);
• Individuals (e.g. a partner, parents, friends);
• Objects (e.g. an alarm system, mobile phone).
• Supernatural (God, angels, a lucky charm)
• Science and technology (e.g. advances in medicine)

All of these sources can be effective in providing a sense of security (although not necessarily security itself), but they have some disadvantages:

• Most of them (e.g. the economic system) are not entirely in our control, so we are, to a degree, at their mercy.
• They are often temporary (e.g. security based on your status at work diminishes when you retire).
• They can be restrictive (e.g. a group that provides a sense of security may also demand that you conform to their rules).
• They can create a false sense of certainty (e.g. relying on a lucky charm may lead you to being less cautious), unrealistic expectations or conflict with reality.

The above shows that external sources are useful and some are even necessary, but they may not always be enough. This is why we need to consider internal sources as well.

Internal sources of security

The external sources of security are appealing because they are fairly effortless (you are more of a passive recipient). However, internal sources of security are more likely to create a lasting, stable sense of security, and, perhaps even more importantly, they are less restrictive and more compatible with personal freedom.

Healthy relationship with uncertainty

Life can never be completely predictable, but as long as there is uncertainty, there is hope. Also, a totally predictable life would be unbearably dull, which is why we often seek uncertainty and why games, stories, movies, adventures and new dates are appealing. It becomes excessive and unpleasant only when external uncertainty is mixed with internal one (the insecurity about whether we can handle the situation). As it is impossible to control and predict everything, attempts to do so only increase insecurity. On the other hand, embracing uncertainty allows for greater flexibility in responding. You become like a surfer who glides on waves instead of trying to control them. It means, in practice, that if something is uncertain, rather than jumping to conclusions, stay with the uncertainty. Then, take these steps that can really reduce anxiety:

1. Consider what you can do to tilt the odds in your favour. There is no reason to be fantastic about uncertainty. You can often increase or decrease chances of certain outcomes.
2. Outcomes cannot be guaranteed, though, so consider your options and what to do in any eventuality and, if necessary, practice to have peace of mind that you will do it well.
3. Ensure you are aware of new information in time, and in the meantime, relax, rest, or focus on something else.

The issue sometimes is not the situation, though, but ourselves.

Developing trust in yourself

We may sometimes be uncertain about ourselves (e.g. that we won’t say or do something stupid or lose it). Here is what can help develop trust in yourself:

1. Inner harmony: insecurity often stems from inner conflicts (e.g., conflicting motives or moral dilemmas), so try to sort them out before engaging with the related situation.
2. Self-discipline is a great source of security because it gives you a sense that you are in charge and confidence that you can always rely on yourself.
3. Keep your body in reasonably good shape. For example, if you are nervous about flying, do not drink before the flight – even a slight hangover will make it worse.

In acute situations

You may not be able to prevent some thoughts, emotions or desires from popping up, but you can refuse to go along with them. They can scream and shout, but they cannot make you do something that you don’t want. You don’t even need to fight them; just ignore them. If anxiety is too high, you can do the following:

Anxiety control: when heightened, anxiety can cause physical reactions such as increased heart rate and pulse, sweating, tingling, and shallow breathing. These, in turn, can increase anxiety further as they are involuntary and have unclear consequences, creating a vicious circle that can even lead to panic attacks. You can get off this merry-go-round by telling yourself, “it is just my brain misfiring,” and then relaxing your body and exhaling slowly for longer than you inhale. Many find this exercise also useful:

Square breathing: focus on anything in your vicinity that is square or rectangular. As you inhale, move your gaze from the lower left corner of the square to the upper left corner while counting to four. Hold the air in, and count again to four, while bringing your gaze to the upper right corner. As you exhale, count to four and move your gaze to the lower right corner (make sure that you exhale fully to avoid hyperventilation – too much oxygen in the blood is linked to panic attacks). To complete the cycle, bring your gaze to the lower left corner and count to four while keeping your lungs empty. Repeat, as needed.

If the above does not reduce your symptoms, you can try to increase them (e.g. make your pulse even faster). They may indeed increase for a short while, but then they will start subsiding and possibly disappear. Learning to control anxiety is like learning to ride a bike – it gets better with practice, so try it now: think of something that makes you anxious. Become aware of all the sensations you experience and try these methods to see which one gives you a greater sense of inner control.

 

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[i] May, R. (1950) The Meaning of Anxiety. New York: Norton,  p.197.