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42. Achieving

42. Achieving

Not in the clamour of the crowded street, Not in the solutes and plaudits of the throng, But in ourselves are triumph and defeat.
H. W. Longfellow (19c American poet and educator)

Achieving refers to our ability to meet challenges and complete tasks. We are all born with the motivation to do so, although some life experiences may weaken it.(1) To increase our mastery over it, what contributes to each stage of the process will be highlighted.

Choose a challenge

To get most out of this area chose a task that you will keep in mind while reading and apply what you have read to (e.g. passing a driving test, winning a game, climbing a mountain). Try to pick a task of the right size for you. A task that is too easy may not be challenging or interesting enough to bring much satisfaction; too difficult a task may undermine your confidence and motivation. This said, there are ways of making big challenges manageable.

Making big tasks manageable

  • A big project can be broken into several smaller tasks that are tackled in turn – this can bring a sense of accomplishment sooner and so maintain motivation. Let’s say your project is to sail around the world: one task could be to learn to sail, the other to save money to buy a boat, the third getting sponsors, the fourth sailing itself. But this is not all.
  • Each task may be broken further into sequences. For routine tasks it is better, if you can, to start with the hardest one while you still have a lot of energy (e.g. if you are going to clean the flat, start from the dirtiest room). For challenging tasks start with the easiest sequence – this will give you the confidence to tackle more difficult ones if successful, or a more realistic view of the project if you can’t complete even the easiest part.

Assuming that you have chosen what you want to achieve, let’s now turn to each stage of the process.

41. Strategy

41. Strategy

The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well.
H. T. Leslie (19c English composer)

Strategy is a general course of action (rather than a detailed plan). We often choose one out of habit, so it is common to be blind to some possibilities and recognise them only retrospectively. The purpose of this area is to reduce this occurrence. To do so, the basic ways of approaching problems are considered first and then a number of specific methods are suggested.

Facing the problem Problems

themselves are not a problem – we like them and create them when we don’t have them (e.g. crosswords, games etc.). The real problem arises when we don’t know how to solve them. But to be able to solve them, we need to face our problems first. Putting them off might bring temporary relief, but this often allows them to grow and makes things worse. However, it is usually not a good idea to deal with several problems at the same time, so when you decide to face your problems you need to prioritise. To choose which one to tackle first, take into account their importance and also which ones may grow if unattended.

What’s the problem?

Once you have made a choice, the first step is to clarify what the problem really is. This is often neglected, and it is more difficult than it sounds. Saying, for example, ‘I am not happy at work’ is not sufficient. You need to specify the cause of your discontent (e.g. ‘I am not paid enough’, ‘I am not getting along with my colleagues’, ‘my workload is too heavy’, etc.). If you think this is easy or that it doesn’t matter, try this example: John’s wife has left him, he is drinking too much, and is in danger of losing his job. What is his problem? (The prospect of losing his job? Drinking? Not coping well with the break-up? Something else?) Perhaps there isn’t a definitive answer, but there is no doubt that whatever you come up with will affect your choice of possible solutions.

40. Resolve

40. Resolve

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau (American 19c philosopher)

Having goals is important, but to put them into practice (especially long-term ones) you also need sustained resolve. Resolve can be broken down into determination and persistence, so these two topics will be covered here.

Determination

Determination is resoluteness to do what you intend despite temptations, drawbacks, obstacles or contrary desires (your own or somebody else’s). In other words, it means not giving in to yourself or others, and following your goals despite internal or external pressures that go against them. This implies that nothing should divert you from acting upon your decision, except another decision based on new insights or information (e.g. you hear on the radio that the place you want to go fishing is flooded). This ability can be a great personal asset, because even if everything else fails, you know that you can always rely on yourself.

The first step – make up your mind!

Do you sometimes still weigh up your options even after you have taken an action? Once you are clear about your aim and start making steps towards its realisation it is not helpful to keep thinking about it. An overlap between deciding and acting (i.e. mulling over other choices after having already moved in a certain direction) increases insecurity and negatively affects the quality of performance.

Doubt, as a part of the process of assessing and deciding, may help you avoid mistakes and make right decisions, but it is unproductive when it interferes with the already taken action. Your state of mind can contribute to the sense of being on the right track, in the right place at the right time, which, in turn, increases confidence and improves performance.

39. Aims

39. Aims

When a man does not know what harbour he is making for, no wind is the right wind.
Seneca (Roman Stoic philosopher and statesman)

Setting aims (or goals) refers to the ability to conceptualise in specific terms not only what you want, but also how to get there. Being able to translate desires into aims is the way of fulfilling them. We will consider here the purpose of aims, how to formulate them, and some other related issues, including flexibility.

The purpose of aims

The main purpose of aims is to give us a sense of direction. Without them it is easy to become indifferent and let events dictate our course. Setting your goal is also the first step towards realisation. A goal creates an inner tension as there is a difference between where you are and where you want to be. A tendency to resolve that tension enables the goal to become a driving force, to pull you in a particular direction. Not only do aims increase motivation and persistence, but they also have a positive effect on attention, information processing, remembering, and performance. This is because a clear aim enables you to be selective and focus your energy. Furthermore, research indicates that ‘having valued goals and experiencing progress in goal pursuit are vital to our subjective well-being’.(1) The aim, though, is different from the reward. Reaching an aim provides satisfaction because the action has been accomplished, which may, but does not need to, bring an advantage or reward. In other words, crossing a finishing line is one thing; getting a medal for doing so is another.

Staying on track: when you feel that you are losing your sense of direction, self-guided imagination can help to focus your mind on your aim again: for example, you can imagine that you are heading in a boat towards the light-house, or aiming and shooting at a target. This does not need to take long, just a few moments can be enough.

38. Gratification

38. Gratification

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde (Irish poet and playwright)

Gratification is important for our psychological and physical equilibrium. However, gratifying some desires or the way we do so may not actually be desirable. Furthermore, immediate gratification is not always appropriate. So this area will focus on how to be more in charge of this aspect of your life.

Gratification control

Allowing the urge for gratification to control us has many negative consequences (e.g. reduced freedom, distorted priorities, disregard for others). As external and internal factors can be implicated in this, we need to maintain some control over both:

  • Circumstances: our gratification urge can be affected by circumstances or others. While stable availability and proximity (not available, easily available and always available) do not add to a desire, uncertain availability and proximity can intensify already existing desires, which makes it harder to remain in charge. For example, if somebody you desire is not available at all, easily available or always available your desire is likely to remain the same or even decrease. This is because in the first case you sooner or later give up on them and in the latter cases you can satisfy your desire before it builds up. However, if that person is close and then distant, is sometimes available and sometimes not, your desire may intensify. So, to remain in charge, it is better to reduce uncertainty. For instance, rather than waiting for such a person to turn up or call, make alternative plans (just in case) and get on with life.
  • Internal state: greater control is secured if you are fully aware of what you are doing and why. So remember to step back for a moment just before you plunge into satisfying your desire. As well as a sense of control, this will also give you some time to check if you really want something and to what extent.

37. Desires

37. Desires

One must not lose desires. They are mighty stimulants to creativeness, to love, and to long life.
Alexander A. Bogomoletz (Soviet-Ukrainian scientist)

As the above quote indicates, desires are a hugely important driving force. However, like fire, if not managed, they can easily consume our lives. The Buddhists’ claim that they are source of all suffering may be an exaggeration, but there is no doubt that being plagued by one’s own desires is inimical to being content. We will examine here how we can nurture our desires without letting them get out of control.

Thinking about desires

How you relate to your desires may be a good first step in gaining some control over them. For this purpose, the following questions may help: Do you follow or disregard your desires without question, or do you reflect on them first? Do you feel that you are more in charge of them than they are in charge of you? You can also consider how your immediate desires affect other aspects of yourself and your life. Does the fulfilment of your desires make you do something that goes against your values and beliefs? Would you like to change anything in relation to your desires?

Awareness of desires

Awareness of your desires is the first step in being more in charge in this respect. Rather than trying to block, hide or push desires aside, this requires bringing them to the surface and admitting to yourself (if not necessarily to others) that you have them. In other words, you have to be honest with yourself. This does not mean giving importance to every fleeting whim (they could just be insubstantial internal ‘provocations’). Generally though, it is better to acknowledge your desires even if you are not pleased with them. Reoccurring or intense desires will not go away if you try to suppress or ignore them. Once they are out in open, you can do something about them. But before we focus on what can be done, we need first to distinguish between two types of desires.

Copyright

PWBC (Personal Well Being Centre)
United Kingdom

Copyright

PWBC (Personal Well Being Centre)
United Kingdom